Vitriol and the Lion
What I can not say out loud seems to come out in other ways, usually with clever vitriol, written about non-scandalous topics that will not arouse the suspicions of friend or foe alike. But even as I manage to blow off steam, rarely do I find the full release associated with intense and complete honesty. I don’t lie. I just leave out good stuff.
Then my cousin Erin said to me a month ago, “You were more scandalous when you were twelve.” She was right. I use to wear thick black eye liner, torn t-shirts and mini-skirts. And now…let’s just say, I’m an average girl who sits in the subway each morning doing crosswords. There is nothing wrong with the naturally quiet, introspective person I’ve become. I just think that perhaps I’d say a lot more if I wasn’t scared.
Twenty years later what I see in the mirror is someone who has hidden herself pretty well, seeking the safety she couldn’t find as a child, but finding no real security when she made those compromises. I’m like the lion in the Wizard of Oz, courage has to be thrust upon me, rarely do I seek it.
It’s time for change. However since I’m neither ready to be shunned by my friends and family, nor be dooced by my employers, I’m going to institute a policy of password protecting some of my forth-coming posts. If you want to read them, then send me a quick email via the “About American Amelie” page, or write a comment with your ip address (preferably one outside the United States), or a link to your own blog site. I don’t trust everyone, but I do trust other bloggers.
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