De Ce Monde Secret de l’ Amelie Americaine

Why do I do my job??? It’s the glamour baby!
1) Make sure that you’ve really hung up your cell phone before you shout “bastard…” at the Production Coordinator who just moved your call time up one hour. Never mind that you’re working until midnight. Sleep is for wusses’.

2) Go on an European vacation and don’t let your body get readjusted to the time change when you return home. For the rest of your life you’ll be waking up at 4 a.m. at least twice a week to go pick up video equipment and drive to the location by seven.

3) Don’t bother with the fancy wardrobe and forget about standing out. You’ll only need the following: a couple pairs of khakis, disposable cotton T’s, solid black clothes, and a ponytail holder. You don’t want to ruin the shot when the camera pans over in your direction. It’s your job to be invisible.

4) Forget about getting a pretty pedicure, no one will ever see your toes in those boots with the
thick rubber soles that you wear so you won’t trip over video and electrical cables.

5) This will start to bother you when you realize that all the men you’re working with still only look at all the colorful, well put together women strolling on the street. Make sure that you have a least one opportunity a month to dress up as if you’re going to the opera to offset any depression.

6) You’ll often be one of the only women on a set. Owning a Leather-man and knowing how use it is a great way to get those same men to stop treating you like an idiot.

7) Although you should always take advantage of an offer to carry your equipment or else your back will begin to ache in weird ways before you reach thirty.

There will be times when you’ll get more respect from all the men on a set than from the only other female working on that particular job. You’ll be tempted to ask her if she has tried the latest hormone replacement therapy. You should resist this urge.

9) If the above mentioned female happens to call you a name, such as “Princess”, point to the fact that you didn’t shower that morning, and that your jeans were pulled out of the laundry. Clearly a true princess would do neither.

10) And then, politely and calmly state that you’re willing to allow someone else to come in and work with her. Offer to leave the set. There is nothing like a half day delay to strike the fear of g_d into the most abusive and callous of producers, especially on a one day video shoot.