De Ce Monde Secret de l’ Amelie Americaine

Humans will come and go as they please, but Alice is forever. As of November 2nd, I have coexisted with this nine pound feline for a decade. She’s been in my life longer than even my own birth mother. This is why I dedicate this post to my little evil genius.

Here are ten reasons that I love you:

1) You are a true alpha kitty. Whenever I stub my toe you immediately assume that the dog has bitten me, go into attack mode and f_ck him up. Never mind that he is fifty-five pounds and you are under ten.

You are my protector. I know if god-forbid someone broke into my apartment or tried to hurt me, you would lay down your life for me, while he would probably lick them.

2) You come to me whenever I call your name. This is our secret, I promise.

3) You like to be held close, and purr loudly when you get attention.

4) You lift your two front legs to crawl up my body, as if you’re asking to be picked up like a baby.

5) For these reasons, I believe that you were in fact a dog in a previous life, but that you found it to be a most undignified and disagreeable state. Therefore you moved up the karmic food chain into a higher state of being, and became a cat.

6) Even though you claimed that you hated the other cat I brought home, I’d often catch you holding her in a headlock and cleaning her face and ears.

7) You secretly stalk me whichever room I am in, and make sure that you’ve rolled yourself nonchalantly into a sleepy little fur ball so that I think that you don’t care, although I know you’re aware of every move I make.

You have pre-selected thrones for such activity in the bedroom, living room, and kitchen…you leave the bathroom for the other cat, who seems to have a fetish about watching people shower and take a dump.

That’s why you ‘re not startled whenever I gently touch you. It is a cross between a meow and a purr. We have our own language, and we understand each other purr-fectly.

9) You’ve brought home dead mice and lizards and left them in front of my bedroom door like a little love note. You know I hate cockroaches so you just make them disappear.

10) You have been with me through the best and worst of times. You have lived through crappy apartments, crappy roommates, crappy litter boxes, crappy food, and a lot more, and you’ve never altered your affection for me. For these reasons and many more…I love you, happy anniversary.

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