Gossip
My role has always been the one of the “The Confidant”. The quiet person who usually keeps her mouth shut and her eyes open. I feed on their trust, and let them ply my ears with their war stories, personal vendettas, and juicy bits of news, until my mind swells from the pressure of keeping too many secrets and I want to go hide so I can safely deflate my own unspent feelings. I’m a passive participator, taking in, but rarely putting it out there, unless I know it is safe.
Oh, I could write stories, as tall as a skyscrapers, but they wouldn’t be fairy tales or like the latest hollywood thriller whose plot turns on a dime, and leaves the viewer wanting more. They’d read like an item off of “Page Six”, and I doubt anyone I care about would appreciate their confidant publishing unpolished pearls from their lives on the web.
I could try to weave a half true tale that still communicates the feeling and virtue of all these stories, but how do I begin? How can I describe the many nearly invisible layers of sticky cob webs that require a further explanation in these limiting terms. Some bit of missing information would be an injustice to the main character. Undoubtedly leaving most readers confused.
My silence is my guard against ruin. I stand behind a piece of glass, a ticking clock watching the drama roll out in front of me. I do nothing, avoid controversy. This is my gate, keeping me safe within the carefully drawn lines of my own borders. They’re not my problems, yet they seem to go on…and I’m a little tired. It’s the same story told in different ways, with similar characters. There’s no escape, no concise clean ending, that sums up the experience of life. This is why I love movies. I know the reason for every twist and I can “ah ha, that makes sense!”
I wonder if in some small way I need gossip to tell my story? Who am I if I am not the confidant. And so I ask myself, “Do I own them or do they own me”?
Listen to this podcast
TrackBack
TrackBack URL for this entry:
http://www.americanamelie.com/2007/01/05/gossip/trackback/