It’s SO easy, to do nothing
For the past three month, I have been forced to sit on my rump, with my thumb squarely up my…. There wasn’t any way around it. I couldn’t force the powers that be to move any faster. I watched a lot of movies, drank a lot of wine, and prayed that I wouldn’t grow old before I saw the final results. I thought a lot about all the things that could happen before I reaped the reward of my lucky windfall. Would I get hit by a car, or fired from my job. Would my dog die or maybe another family drama was waiting in the wings to throw me off balance. I reasoned that for everything really positive, there has to be some kind of Murphy’s law backlash to temper and cool this huge success. Things couldn’t JUST be good.
Well, the results are in, and now I am in a position to move forward with my new direction. So, where do I begin? I still have the dusty papers on the floor, even though every last one of them was paid and dealt with last week. Thought that I would have some kind of formal bonfire, shredding party…but that never happened either. I was not moving forward. I feared that if I shredded these, that new financial gremelins would come out of the woodwork. Some did, but they were prompted dealt with. Now, it feels like a stubbed toe and not a broken foot.
I realized that my feelings were on still on perma-pause, glued down, and buttoned tight to avoid embarassment. Very adult, and non-emotional. I got used to the pause button. There is no risk when you do nothing. There are no-dashed hopes, or directions that need to be altered. On pause you don’t have to accept defeat. There is no bitterness or disappointment. But of course, you’re not really living either. So here I go, trying to NOT hold my breath anymore, sticking out my finger, to push the PLAY button once again.
Listen to this podcast
TrackBack
TrackBack URL for this entry:
http://www.americanamelie.com/2007/07/01/its-so-easy-to-do-nothing/trackback/