De Ce Monde Secret de l’ Amelie Americaine

“You’re stronger than you think.” Is the mantra repeated to me by well meaning friends, relatives and the occasion psychic as they seek to explain exactly to me why after so many years I’m still sans soul mate. Understanding in excruciating detail the exact nature of why I’ve needed to become both self sufficient and emotionally contained has never been the problem. I knew very early on in my life, that to be vulnerable to the wrong person would express itself karmically in soul crushing consequences.

Allowing myself the full extent of my vulnerability without judgment, platitude or excuse has been my life’s journey. I know am strong. On a scale of one to ten, I usually manage an eight or nine…maybe a humble seven if I’m willing to accept the immediate loss for the long term gain. But never, have I achieved the ten…which I define as full vulnerability coupled with the expression of strength. To achieve a ten I know there is someone who must loves me unconditionally while I express both, my complete vulnerability and that wise woman inner strength, and so far I have achieved one or the other, but not both simultaneously. This saddens me deeply.

As a strong person I know how to be there for someone and disappoint them if it serves a higher good… even if they don’t realize that is my intent. I know I must be “strong.” I know there is a good reason why, I am who I am, but sometimes a girl doesn’t want to be there for every important person in her life. Sometimes, she just wants someone who will for a change….hold her hand…so that just for a moment, she doesn’t have to be the strongest one.

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